I keep telling him no. Everything he asks while I am not by his side, I tell him no.
-Have you cum today. Kitten? No, Sir.
– Have you played with your toys today, Kitten? No, Sir.
Does he want honesty? Or does he want me to say yes and play? He’s never told me either way. He knows I won’t cum on my own, just as he knows I don’t just randomly grab my toys to play. I feel guilty taking care of myself when he isn’t with me. I need him.
Give me what I need
I need to hear his voice. I need to hear the love, the power, the desire. Yes, I walk around horny as hell, but I want to put all that energy into him. I want him to come home, push me up against the wall and hold me there until he’s one with me and I’m one with the wall. Is that so horrible?
The thought of him getting near me gives me butterflies, my heart feels like it’s constantly skipping a beat and I can barely breathe, but only shallowly. I really try to keep my cool, probably more so than he imagines. When he kisses me and his lips linger on mine so I can breathe him in… I could stay like that forever. I’m not as calm and collected as he thinks I am; I just put on a good show.
What I really need though, what he doesn’t understand when he calls to see if I’ve played with my toys is, I need to feel his heartbeat. I need to feel his throbbing inside me, his life pulsing within his manhood that he’s burying so deep within me. I need that connection. A toy will never replace that.
Keep Telling Him No
A toy will never pin me to the bed, render me helpless, and whisper naughty nothings in my ear. Only he can ever bite where my shoulder meets my neck and be strong enough to fend off my weak attempts at pushing him over. I’ll keep telling him no while he’s gone and hope he understands that those little textual attempts at foreplay don’t work for me unless he’s right here and I can get what I need right away.
Even then, I’ll keep telling him no as he holds my head down to the bed and pummels me from behind because “no” is not our safe word. It’s just a word I end up using when I’m losing or have lost control. No, Baby, oh my God, no-no, oh baby… right there… yes… yes… yes!
*Featured photo by Jeremy Worst*