I have a new friend I talk to on a daily basis.  He’s not local and, yes you guessed it, he’s married.  Go ahead, shake your head because I am shaking mine.  I don’t know how this happens.  Either way we have been chatting for well…let me look…March 6…22 days.  Wow.  Seems like a lot longer.  I guess that’s what happens when you talk for hours every day.  I won’t get into all the girl brain stuff right now.  Let’s just say Everything Happens For a Reason.

Here’s a fun little conversation we had last night.  You know how I like to enlighten you with text conversations and such.  Sometimes raw life can be as much fun as a structured story.  Goodness, what do I call him.  How about…Mr. BLT.  Ha! I will have to explain later.  To preface this, we were talking about porn and road head.  Yes, SIGH, he already knows way too much.

Mr. BLT: 
I’d like a side of sex to go with it….if I could just remember how to have sex…..was it insert tab A into slot B?….or was it slot A? I can’t remember anymore.
ima make some nachos brb
Guiltless Miss:
I’ma talk dirty
It’s both slots..let’s rename them slits.
The slit has two areas into which Rod A can be inserted.
Each hole in the slitted area needs to have the rod inserted into it.
If you don’t do this, you are not properly handling the situation.
Before the Rod is inserted into Hole A and B, you must remember to lubricate. This is best with a little natural lubricant.
Use your tongue to properly lube the holes in the slitted area.
We call that Love.
You can also use store bought Lube. Strawberry is the preferred method.
When using your tongue to lube Holes A and B, there will be some low moans and possibly some squeaks.
It’s ok. You aren’t breaking anything.
Continue until Hole A provides its own lubricant.
Once this is accomplished, Grab Rod A and insert into Hole A.
Depending on the amount of lubricant, you can either slam it in, or push it in inch
You will feel a tightening.
This is ok.
Continue pushing Rod A into Hole A until maximum length is absorbed into Hole A.
At this point a quick and hard thrusting motion will continue lubricating the area.
You may have to hold the body of Hole A down.
This is also good.  Don’t worry
Be rough.
After Hole A lubricates itself more, pull Rod A from Hole A slowly.
Now Hole B need to be infiltrated.
Slowly push Rod A against Hole B.
It will be tight but a slow push should do the trick.
Remember that every
Once Rod A is completely inserted in Hole B
continue with previous thrusting method.
Again the body of Hole B may need restraint
and there may be loud noises coming from it.
Don’t worry.
If you hear anything like “no” continue anyway.
This must be done.
When Rod A feels like it has reached maximum width and length and feels like it has potential of breaking…
pull Rod A from Hole B.
It will magically shoot lubricant from the tip of the Rod and lubricate the body containing Holes A and B.
This is good.
Be advised that some models have Hole C.
Hole C may take Rod A and suck the lubricant from it.
Be careful as Hole C has sharp parts.
You can treat Hole C as it was Hole A or B.
Again, watch for sharp parts.
If you cannot fill Holes A, B, and C with Rod A. Do not attempt this job alone.
Approximate install time: 3 hours.
Install will need repeated every 30 minutes.
Find the appropriate position to finish the job.
Please contact the help line with questions
1-900-Got- Love
Mr BLT: 
That is the most enjoyment I have ever had while eating my nachos
 well done madame
 very educational
Guiltless Miss:
glad you are enjoying your nachos.
Mr. BLT: 
I couldn’t wait for each line
 now THAT’S how you eat nachos
Guiltless Miss:
wasn’t sure if you were sitting there
Mr. BLT: 
almost the whole time
well now I have a blueprint for how you like it.
All I can say its…I certainly would NOT complain if Mr. BLT put the “blueprints” to the test 🙂
This is my life.  Happy Hump Day, Readers!

3 thoughts on “Moisture

  1. LMAO!
    Careful Dear! I started chatting with the friend of a friend in a very similar way two years ago, and even though we have yet to actually meet in corpus, I am deeply in love with her, and she has become the best friend I have ever had!

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