Reading some of your favorite BDSM romance novels is a really great way to escape, but it’s also a great way to expand your sexual horizons. They allow you to learn about new toys, methods, sexual approaches and really push you to explore your sexuality in your mind. However, the best part is you can then translate your books into action by using them to explore in your bedroom as well. Use your books as the catalyst and finally take the plunge into BDSM by moving beyond the pages and into the sheets by recreating some of your favorite scenes.
But that’s easier said than done, right? You can’t just read a book and go, “Got it!” and turn into a whirlwind dominatrix on your partner. You’re going to need a little more preparation to do this correctly. Let’s go through the steps, shall we?
You’re going to want to start with communication. Sure, you’ve been reading these spicy novels, but your partner may have no idea what they truly entail. Sit them down and talk to them about what you’re reading and why it turns you on. Then express that you would like to try incorporating a little BDSM into your own love making. Be prepared to talk to what exactly BDSM is and to give them a few examples from your books. You’ll also need to assign roles. Who’s going to be the sub and who’s going to be the dom? Is your partner comfortable in that role?
Secondly, you’ll need to talk through what both of your limits are. Maybe you’re partner is not interested in anal, maybe you’re not caning. It’s important you both discuss where things can and can’t go. Then come up with a safe word. This will be the word that the sub will use when they getting physically, mentally or emotionally close to their boundary. Be sure to pick something easy to remember and say, as well as something that you wouldn’t typically yell out during sex–examples: blueberry, baseball, or even swing set.
You’ll also need to get the right props. You can start small by using household items like scarves, rope, ice, candles, ties, and belts. Use these items to tie and bind the sub as well as tease and torture them. You can move up in creativity and toy intensity as you work into the lifestyle and experiment more. It’s not only your approach that will become more creative, but the toys as well. As written on Adam and Eve, “manufacturers have become … more creative” in their approach, meaning there is a variety of options from which to choose—be it a simple vibrator or something kinkier like a bondage fantasy kit.
Props are not only fun, but important for the dom to assert their dominance. But they should be approached slowly, allowing the sub to get used to the pain sensation and total loss of control. Never push the sub into the role playing, allow them to ease into it. This will ensure safety and fun is had by all.
Consider dressing up and assigning names for each other if you really want to get into the role. This will help the two of you really define your personas and separate them from your every day life.
Finally, remember to keep open communication between the two of you. You constantly need to make sure that both of you are still enjoying it and are happy with where your sexual exploration is going. Keep an open mind, relax and have fun–you never know where BDSM is going to take you and what you could learn about your partner and yourself.