Emerged

Maybe running away into the woods wasn’t the best idea after all. It’s dark in here. I don’t like this; I don’t like it one bit.  I didn’t ask to be here.  Yes, it’s my fault and it’s my destiny, but this isn’t what I wanted….at least not yet.

The past few weeks all I have wanted to do was eat.  Of course, running away doesn’t make gorging on food easy, but I’ve managed.  I’ve been out here for weeks eating what I could find and in all honesty, I have doubled in size!  I’m not kidding.  When I say I’m an emotional eater, I mean it.  There were days when I would find the most precious leaves or berries and eat them even though I knew they might make me sick.  It didn’t matter.  It still doesn’t matter.  I’m dying anyway.

So now here I lay, in my makeshift hammock, full of food but not happy.  I literally cannot move my arms.  Maybe it was something I ate.  I just wish I knew how to get out of this contraption.  I only remember setting up the hammock.  When I drifted off to sleep earlier, I was looking at a sky full of stars though a canopy of leaves.  Yummy looking leaves, if I do say so myself.  Hunger does strange things to one’s mind when lost in the woods!  Think maybe I’ll just try to breathe, relax, stop worrying, and try to sleep a bit.  If I’m lucky maybe this is all just a bad dream.

Well, so much for bad dream.  This is more like a nightmare.  It’s still dark and I can’t breathe.  I feel like I’m suffocating.  Everything feels wet like I’m sitting in soup.  I finally was able to will one of my fingers to move and it feels like my body has melted.  I swear I didn’t eat any mushrooms.  I don’t think I ate any poisonous plants.  I’m telling you, my body has MELTED and I am soup!!  What the hell is going on?  I want to go back home.  I want to be back with my friends.  I never should have left, I just didn’t want to be what they wanted me to be.  I wanted to find myself.  I wanted to be myself.  I just wanted some time alone, time to think, time to center.  Now here I am stuck in this envelope of darkness sitting in my own bodily fluids…disintegrated.  And, I’m itchy.  Can you believe that? I have no body parts to move, except the one finger that took all my energy to move, and I am itchy.  What the fuck.

emerge

Must have passed out from the thought of what I have done to myself, but things are different now.  I can move my body to some extent though it doesn’t seem like my body.  I’m very confused.  I feel like I have, well…gained body parts, though I have lost others.  Yes, I’m sure you’re raising an eyebrow.  If I have any, they are raised too.  I’m still itchy and there are big arms or something on my back.  I can’t feel my legs so I am thinking they never came back from the soup.  The good thing is, the darkness is lifting and I can see some light.  I have been looking around as much as I can to see if I can push my way out of this enclosure I have somehow ended up in.  I know this will sound weird, but I have been poking around with my tongue.  I don’t feel like I have a mouth anymore, more like just a tongue.  Oh what did I do to myself?!

Finally!!  I broke a hole through the enclosure!  I just have to wiggle out of this thing since I don’t have a way to push myself out.  This isn’t easy, but I have emerged!!  I still feel wet.  The sun feels so good!  Good thing I had a little peek of light as I was finding my way out because it is so bright out here.  I look to see what has happened to my body and…Oh my God.  OH MY GOD!!  I do have legs!  They’re tiny, scrawny little things but at least I have them.  But…BUT…the most miraculous thing has happened!!!  I. Have. Wings!  I have big, beautiful, orange and black wings.  How did this happen?  Is this what my friends were talking about when they said I had to fulfill my destiny? If so…how stupid I am.  How stupid I was for running away!  I was supposed to grow into a butterfly!

Oh I can’t wait to fly! Dry wings, dry!  All this time, I have been just fine walking through the woods and I just wanted to be left alone.  Now, soon as I can dry these wings, I will be able to fly over the woods.  Ok, let’s try this…Right one flaps, Left one flaps, they both flap together.  Here we go!!  This is breathtaking.  It’s beautiful.  I can see everything, flowers, leaves, birds and bees.  Oh and those flowers look so lovely.  I am going to fly to every flower in the forest and take a sip of its nectar.  I’m so happy…to think that all that fear and darkness has led to all this light and happiness.  If only I’d have known, but now…now I will never go back.  This is wonderful! This is my new life!