Cake: For Having AND Eating

Who says I can’t have my cake and eat it, too?  You wonder what I want?  Well, I have been thinking about some things that I have now being single and things I feel I am missing being single.  You have to understand that in my previous relationships I lost a LOT of myself.  I tucked some of my personality away just so it wouldn’t cause trouble.  I will never do that again.  Love me or Leave me.  There is no other choice.

I can sit here and describe my perfect man, but instead how about my perfect situation.  I’m really not shallow enough to say a guy has to have such and such a build and a certain color eyes, etc.  Yes, I know I have joked about the six-foot tall rule, but really I could care less.  I love men, they love me, but I have yet to find ONE that can be in the perfect situation with me.

It seems odd to me that I can’t find this situation.  I want a guy who can allow me to be myself without any doubts or jealousy.  I have never cheated on anyone I have been with, nor will I.  If it ever got to that point, it’s a sign that I should walk away.  End of story.  My last relationship was 4 years long and completely a lie because he cheated on me the whole time.  I would have respected him more if he had ended it.  Oh…sorry…SQUIRREL!  Do over.

I want a guy who can allow me to be myself without any doubts or jealousy.  I am a one man girl.  I have a flirty personality and everyone loves me.  There is an energy I have that people are drawn to, but I would never let anyone cross certain lines with me especially being in a relationship.  A guy has to understand that I do have boundaries and give me enough respect to know I will never deceive him.  I understand jealousy, but I won’t tolerate its extremes.

I also understand possessiveness and oh how I love to be owned.  I love the dominant type, you know this, but it can’t get out of hand.  I can handle one who wants to protect me, but not one who wants to dictate my every move.  I expect a guy to protect me and look out for me.  I still have a girl brain no matter how smart I may be, and guys see things I don’t.  I would expect a guy to just watch out for the things I may miss like leaving my drink down at a party, or letting a salesman take advantage of me.  I love when someone watches out for me.

The guy absolutely has to be able to go out and try new things and have fun with me.  I’m not looking for someone to be attached to my hip, but if there is something new that I want to try and he doesn’t, I expect him to give me the room to do it and be proud of the fact that his girl is into trying new things and not just a couch potato.  I would hope that he would be adventuresome like myself.  I get restless and sometimes I just want to go experience something new.  This is a GOOD quality that seems to intimidate people.  He has to also understand that we each need alone time or time with our own friends.  It’s OK to do this and I think it’s great.  It’s NEEDED.

He also has to understand that I am a learning sponge.  If I don’t know something, I ask and I research. He has to be ok with the fact that I know guy stuff like football and Jeeps.  He also has to be prepared for me to one day exceed his knowledge in some things.  I am competitive sometimes and he can’t get all butt hurt if I know more than him in some subjects.  I pride myself on the fact that I can go into a room and converse with anyone because I am a cornucopia of useless knowledge.  If I don’t know something, I will sure as hell learn.  Stop being intimidated, men, you don’t want a dumb girl and I know it.

We absolutely need to be able to have fun together and laugh together.  I am all about being happy.  I don’t hang onto little things that bother me.  I don’t go home from work and bitch about my day.  It’s over, let it go.  Yes, there is always a need to vent, venting is good, but holding onto anger is not.

I want to be able to share in things.  I am not a housemaid nor am I a banker.  Let’s collaborate and do things together so there is more time for us!

He has to be dominant and sensitive.  I want the perfect balance.  I am a SUCKER for romance.  I love the sweet things.  I’m a girl, damn it.  I like flowers and kisses on the forehead for no reason.  I like to touch and be touched, I love holding hands and cuddling.  I get so much energy from other people just by getting a little love.  I’m not one who has to be touching someone 24/7 and I’m not all over a guy making other people cringe when we are out, but I certainly like to have attention.  You know I am an attention whore.  But, he has to be dominant, too.  I need a man who can not be timid around me and who can put me in my place in certain situations…like the bedroom 🙂

Which leads to sex….  I need sex.  I want sex.  I want it all the time and probably more than any girl you will ever meet.  I’m not just talking about bedroom sex either.  I am talking about road head, parks, camping, public places.  I get the biggest thrill being loved anywhere and everywhere.  It’s good for a relationship to keep things exciting anyway.  If I whisper in a guy’s ear and tell him I’m horny as hell, I would hope he wouldn’t put me off for days.  I want to have fun.  We can be discreet, but man oh man I don’t want to be boring.  Yes, I’m all for bedroom sex.  In the morning when we wake, at night before we sleep….but there has to be more fun to be had elsewhere. And we have to obviously be sexually compatible. I’ve only been with one guy who was horrible so I don’t see a problem in finding a guy who can rock my world.

And one of the biggest things of all, the one that has hurt me the most in my past…he has to be honest.  I am brutally honest and maybe that’s bad, but I am not going to lie to shield anyone’s feelings.  I don’t want secrets.  If we go somewhere and he sees a hot chick, chances are I am looking at her thinking the same.  Let’s share that thought!  Having doubts about a decision we made on moving or a trip or the color of the freakin’ dishes?  Tell me, don’t hold back.  Let’s do things together!  Not getting enough attention or getting too much attention? Tell me so I can make some adjustments.  Did I hurt his feelings when I said such and such? Don’t hold it in.  Tell me, let me apologize.  How else am I going to learn about him, about us, if he keeps secrets?

So there ya go.  Seems easy right?  A fun guy who is honest, protective but not jealous, likes to have fun and lots of sex.  They’re all like that right?  No.  Apparently not because I have yet to find one that I can have.


2 thoughts on “Cake: For Having AND Eating

  1. OMG!! Can we make this a manifesto for BOTH sexes? I have to admit, this seems like the perfect relationship from the other side too!

  2. Ok.
    I just saw your response to me on your last post. And reread this post of yours again.
    I do have one thing to add.
    I admit that I seem to be fairly unique in one respect. I really have no problem with my “One” having other … “relationships”.
    I have yet to decide whether this means I am the most confident and secure male on the planet, or the prize chump of all time, but it seems to me that if I have to be worried about losing my love just because of some amazing sexual experience with another man then I don’t really have her heart in the first place. Maybe it’s because I know that I seem to have this over the top sex drive that she doesn’t share, and yet I know that no one will ever be the best friend/confidant/partner that she has been for pretty much my entire adult life. Maybe it’s just because I have this voyeuristic bent that makes me turned on by the idea of her gasping and having the sort of intense experience that the exigencies of “real life” don’t seem to allow for …
    Could she meet someone who would blow here mind to the point that she has no desire to share her life with me anymore? Of course! There are almost certainly men out there who are better in bed than I am, less grouchy after 18-20 hour days, more exciting, possibly even better at keeping up with all the necessary chores.
    And … Keeping in mind Robert Heinlein’s definition of love … “That condition where the happiness and well being of another is essential to ones own.” … If she can find someone who will love her more than I do, who can make her happier, and WILL … I think I would step aside.
    But I know that, imperfect as I am, that’s impossible. No one will EVER love her as I do.

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