9. Quicksand

Feels like the water is getting thicker.  There better be some way out of this. My chest feels like it’s going to explode and I know there is no way I can get back to the apartment door.  Come on.  Something! Anything!!  All I can see is brown mucky water and a few odd, marsh looking plants.  I think I am swimming in an up direction.  At least my body feels like it’s going up…where the hell is the light?!

Ok hold on, that looks lighter. Damn this water is getting thicker.  It’s more like damn mud!  Finally! I get my head above this mucky water stuff and have no clue where I am.  It’s either just before morning or right after sunset.  I can’t see the sun or even the moon to figure it out.  Guess all that matters is that I can breathe now.  But… I can’t seem to move.  I feel like I’m weighted in cement, this stuff is so thick.

There are cattails and what looks like more swamp grass all around me, but I know this isn’t just mud I’m stuck in.  Quick sand?! Did I actually get out of a tidal wave in the apartment to swim myself into quicksand?  This is seriously a bunch of bullshit.  Someone needs to wake me the fuck up so I can get back to my boring life and see my girl.

Ok.  Calm.  What is around me?  Not a damn thing.  Can’t reach the cattails, can’t reach anything that looks like a stick even though there are trees all over the place around the area.  It’s like I found the one spot, the one spot that sucked all the life out of everything.  Well you aren’t going to suck the life out of me.  I’ve watched enough of those surviving the wild type shows, I think I can get out of a little quicksand.

No sticks.  No help. I think I have to lay back and make myself big.  Bigger footprint, right? My legs feel like they’re asleep. Must be the pressure.  I’ll just try to lay back like I’m taking a nap.  That should pull my legs up and I can backstroke my ass out of here.

Buzzzzzz Buzzz Buzzzzz

The fuck is that? Sounds like a…no, can’t be.  I look up to see a giant mosquito heading my way.  Not a swarm, like it sounds, but …One. Big. Mosquito.  Gotta be still.  Maybe it won’t hear me and it’ll go away.  It’s legs look like they are longer than I am tall.  It’s butt end is an incandescent green masked by brown stripes and it looks like there is fur on it’s body.  It’s wings are huge like the size of sliding glass doors.  I can see it’s eyes, black as night and dead.  But oh my God, the stinger.  The stinger is huge.  That thing can feed off of a cow and still be hungry.

I have to be still.  I think mosquitos like the smell of carbon dioxide.  I’m not much of a mosquito magnet, but I don’t want to become one now.


It’s getting closer.  This thing is freaky.  Maybe if I just put my head back under the quicksand, it’ll fly right by.  But then, I might get sucked under and not get back up.  I don’t know what is worse…getting sucked in my quicksand and drowning or getting sucked on by a mosquito and dying a slow death like a vampire’s victim? At least with a vampire, I’d have a chance.  Fuck it.  I’m going to chance this bastard.

As it hovers above me, it’s hairy legs sway and brush my face.  I’m trying not to throw up.  It’s buzzing has stopped and I almost feel like it’s thinking about what to do with this random human head it has found, just sitting here waiting for it.

“Take Action!” my brain screams!

I reach up and grab one of the hairy bug legs and the beast pulls away, leaving my hand full of tiny hairs.  It comes back at me and I reach again for another leg and keep a grip on it.  The beast is trying to slide it’s stinger into me, poking to the left and the right as I dodge him.  I have to grab another leg!!!  I have no leverage to jump at it, so I have to hold tight and sway when it sways.  Finally, I reach to wrap my left hand around the other leg closest to me only to realize that I am “Jack, the One Armed Bandit”. FUCK!!!  How could I forget that?!

I hold tight to the one leg I do have as the mosquito beast buzzes and tries to dislodge me by jabbing at me again and again.  It finally gains enough altitude that I can pull first one leg and then the other up and out of the quicksand as I kick up towards the blood sucker.  It must feel like a weight has been lifted because it stops its frantic jabbing at me and takes off towards the woods where I hear more buzzing.  There is no way I am holding on to this beast just to be brought further into a nest of them!

I look for a safe place to let go, but a place that doesn’t look like it will be a new patch of quicksand, and someplace that I can run for cover in case the mosquito beast comes at me again.  There looks like a big batch of bushes just ahead.  I think that might be my best bet, then I can run into the woods and hope I can find shelter beneath the mossy oaks.

Three Two ONE!  I drop to the bushes and am pleasantly cushioned by the green, leafy branches and red bottlebrush type flowers.  Well this has been the best part of my adventure today so far!  I roll to the side and decide to roll under the canopy of the bushes until I am sure the mosquito beast has gone on its merry way.  I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do now.



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