Guiltless Miss

Out of frustration and being in a serious quandary today, I decided to do a reversal of It’s Who I Am and mention who or what I am not. 

I’ll preface this by telling you what happened to befuddle me so.  I saw a post from my Brother about how the kids were excited to go see Grandma.  To me, this meant my Brother’s family (fiancée and five kids) are planning on going from PA to FL to visit.  I think that’s pretty cool, going to the beach by my mum’s is always awesome.  When I asked him when they were going,  he gave me dates in July.  This lead me to the conclusion that this has been in the works for quite some time but no one has mentioned it to me and I know why.  My mum has a habit of  assuming what will piss me off, then trying not to piss me off.  In doing so, she hides things from me which in turn…pisses me off.  See a cycle?  So here we go…Who or What I Am Not.

I’m not the girl who gets angry at little things.  I don’t cry over spilled milk or when my coffee cup breaks.  I don’t get angry if the dog eats my shoe because the cat had been laying on it.  I don’t get angry if you can’t hang out and I don’t get angry if you’re late.  I don’t get angry if I get stuck in traffic, or at an airport.  It really takes a lot to make me angry.  Ok I may get a little irritated when I get stressed out, but I don’t hold onto it.  I Let. It. Go.  I have better things to do.

I don’t walk on eggshells for anyone.  In the past I may have been more like my mum and been afraid to anger people, but I was also in a bad situation surrounded by hostility and fear.  I don’t do it anymore.  I say what’s on my mind and though I may cushion it a little, I don’t hold things back.  If someone pisses me off, I will let them know because to piss me off, it has to be something big (see above).  I don’t bottle it up, that only makes things worse.  Work through it or it doesn’t work.

I’m not a jealous girl.  Jealousy doesn’t become me.  This is my double-edged sword.  If I’m with a guy and I really and truly believe he  is being honest with me, then I certainly don’t mind if he has friends who are girls.  Obviously the girls have to know about me and it would be cool if I can meet them.  I would offer the same courtesy.  I have guy friends and with my flirtatious nature, I have to be cautious with the guys I hang out with  but mostly I have to be completely open and honest if I am seeing a guy so that he has no jealousy issues. 

Here comes the double-edged sword part…I am an idiot.  Maybe I trust before I should, but I just don’t understand why anyone would be dishonest with me when I am not being dishonest with them.  Grrr…how do I learn to tell if I am being lied to or someone is keeping secrets?  It always catches me by surprise, but I have no problems walking away the instant I know someone has betrayed me.  And sure, everyone gets a little jealous, it’s natural and I am honest about it.  “Baby, I’m a little jealous that you’re chatting with her all the time.”  See? Easy.  Work through it or it doesn’t work. 

I’m not a worrier.  YES, I get a bit anxious at times and I have to remember to Breathe, but I don’t sit around for days and nights worrying.  Maybe it’s the hippie chick in me (some people hate it!) but whatever is supposed to be will be.  I’m not going to worry about money, be timid about new opportunities, be afraid to make a big move if I had to.  I’m not going to worry about the meeting I have to have with the boss, or the kids getting hurt riding their bikes (have no kids, but I wouldn’t worry).  I guess I just have faith that things will be good.  It’s so much better than making myself sick worrying.  Sure I think of the “What if’s” just to be prepared for most scenarios, but I am not a worrier.  Ha!  Guess that kind of showed with Love Park.  Sure there was a fleeting timidness there and I DID make a plan, but I certainly didn’t worry TOO much about if I was going to be killed or not!  Besides, I DID ask him if he was going to kill me and he said no, heehee, see? There’s that trust thing.

I’m also not envious.  I’m proud of my friends and their accomplishments.  I’m proud of them whether it’s a new job, a new house, or finding the love of their life.  I don’t understand envy.  If it wasn’t meant for me, I won’t have it.  And seriously, how could you not celebrate the positive things in not only your life but in the lives around you?  I hear people who are envious of music stars, sports figures, etc.  Why?  If it was meant to be you, it would be.  Personally I guess I am a lot more minimalistic.  Even if I had a shit ton of money, I wouldn’t buy a giant house and eight cars.  I would take care of those I love by getting college funds and paying some bills for them, buy a little cabin on the beach with the woods behind it (IT EXISTS!), and use the money to chill happily and travel when I wanted to.   Simple, Stress free, Perfect.

I guess to sum it all up because there is so much more I could ramble on about…I am just plain ol’ non dramatic.  Weird huh?  Yeah.  I know, I hear it all the time.  That’s why they call me Love.  I’m chill, non dramatic, and just absolutely adore so many things in life.  Wish I could teach this.  Maybe this is why people come to me when they have problems, they just can’t stay negative when they’re around me and I like that.