Guiltless Miss

I am so freakin’ wound up I figured I had better do a short random post before I continue working on Part 2 of  Taste Testing.  If you haven’t read that bit of yumminess, you better get on it!

I don’t know what it is lately but I am more horny than usual.  Can you even Fathom that idea coming from me?!  I must be broken, I mean…I just don’t get it.  Ha!  That can be taken literally, too!  Ok this is no laughing matter. 

You know that I am the girl who can turn everything and anything sexual.  I can go from being the random chick standing next to you, to the girl you want to bed just by giving you a look or changing my tone of voice.  I know how to turn it on and make people crazy.  Once in a while, I test it just to watch people change before me or hear the stutter in their voice just to make sure I still have…”it”.  Tonight I changed my tone just a little when one of my field crew called on the phone and I could actually hear the blush spreading up his neck to his cheeks.  I don’t always do it on purpose.  Sometimes I am just in an awesome mood and it happens.  That’s the way it goes more often than not.

I went to lunch with a friend of mine the other day and we were chatting about my social life or lack thereof.  He summed me up in an interesting way that I really can’t deny.  He said I am the most sexual prude he knows.  Now let’s refresh with a little etymology of the word prude:

Prude- 1704, from Fr. prude “excessively prim or demure woman” (also an adj.), first recorded in Molière, from O.Fr. preude ”good, virtuous, modest,” perhaps an ellipsis of preudefemme “a discreet, modest woman,” (of a woman or her behavior) Reserved, modest, and shy.

I never ever thought of myself as prude being as sexual as I am, but his definition of me makes sense.  Very few people I know are aware of the fact that I write erotica.  Very few people know how much I am into sex and turn into a complete freak behind closed doors.  Most everyone does know that I have a sexual humor like a 13-year-old boy and will giggle if someone says anything that can remotely be construed as sexual.  But, for the most part, I have decided that I can’t let the world know I am a freak thus a discreet and modest woman.

Beside that, I cannot sleep around.  I want to get laid in the worst possible way right now and can probably make a few phone calls or go to a bar and pick up a random guy, but that’s not who I am.  I really am a good girl.  I found out long ago that booty calls are unfulfilling.  Maybe I am too high maintenance, but I want to be taken care of properly and the only way I will succumb to a booty call is if I know I am going to get my fill and walk away satisfied.  Better yet, not be able to walk away, hehe

This takes me back to the beginning of this post.  I am more wound up that usual and it’s bad.  I look at certain men and my parts start throbbing.  I begin envisioning exactly what I want these hotties to do to me.  My day dreams are very vivid.  The problem is, being this wound up, I am on the verge of just grabbing the first guy I can get my hands on and taking complete sexual advantage of him for days on end.  I am on the verge of completely lowering my standards just so I can get a little.  I had even thought about calling an ex one day and THAT is a complete no-no. 

Oh I certainly can give in just so I can get taken care of, but I just know I will feel horrible after if it just turns into something that is unfulfilling.  On the other hand, if it’s amazing I will want more and the sexual energy will build.  What if the lucky guy isn’t able to give me more?  Then I am stuck in this vicious circle.

I know what you are thinking.  You’re wondering why I don’t just reach into my bag of goodies and take care of myself.  Reach in, pull out the rabbit or the rock chick, and turn myself into a quivering puddle of love.  Yeah…doesn’t work.  I need that skin on skin contact.  I need to feel throbbing, not vibrating.  I need the nibbles, the licks, and absolutely need the bites.  I wish I knew what my hang up was and why I can’t just let go enough to take care of myself, but I can’t so I have to live with that.  It just ends up making me more frustrated because I get angry that I even have to  think about taking care of myself!!  Damn my mind sometimes!

This is why a stable booty call person would work out since I don’t see a relationship happening any time soon.  BUT, we saw what happened with the last booty call guy.  Maybe it’s too much that I expect honesty out of a booty call guy, too!!

What the hell am I going to do to fix this?!  I can’t continue drooling over every semi decent guy in town and getting hot over Twitter followers.  HELP!  Give me thoughts!